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i never feel happy when someone who isn't me is happy because they have or have recently acquired something that i want. i pretend to because i know it's expected of me and i'm aware that i'm being selfish and unkind, but i'm nearly always faking. so whenever someone tells me they just started dating someone i find attractive, got a cute haircut that i wish i could pull off, bought an item of clothing that i can't afford or wouldn't look good in, or started planning a trip i want to go on, or they are taller, prettier, sexier, more popular, smarter, kinder, more articulate, funnier, more interesting, or more talented than me, i tell them i am happy for them, but actually i feel sad and angry. i bet i would probably be most happy if i lived on an island and everyone else was clones of me and there were no mirrors.


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