hell is other people

i think being fat makes it so hard to talk about my (increasingly rare, thankfully...although "thankfully" isn't exactly appropriate because it implies that there's someone who deserves thanking besides myself. i did that shit! thank you, self!) problems with eating. i sometimes worry that if i tell someone "hey, i'm having trouble feeling okay about eating an appropriate amount of food", they will say, "you aren't supposed to feel okay about it because you're fat". like, i'm saying i have disordered eating habits and you're telling me my habits aren't disordered because i'm fat and nothing a fat person does in the pursuit of weight loss, no matter how painful or unhealthy, is ever a problem.

anyway i've been feeling good about my body lately, mostly. i think it's nice that i feel so accustomed to it, in a very comfortable way. i like that when i'm relaxing and watching a movie, i reflexively fold my hands and rest them on my belly. if i could find a store that had cute reasonably priced clothes in my size and i was allowed to punch people in the mouth whenever they said anything mean about my body without facing assault charges, i think i'd probably be fine forever.