others

in the last hour i've pulled out enough of my hair to have a hairball about the size of a golf ball. it's weird how repulsed i feel by it. i have hair on my head, and i like touching it, and that's fine. but once it leaves my head, i hate it and it's disgusting. it's like as soon as something that is part of you leaves you, it becomes weird and wrong and not-you.
oddly, i don't have this feeling about blood, and that's half of why i hate having blood drawn. (the other half is that i'm afraid of needles. only the medical kind, though, i'm just fine with piercings. i have a bit more trouble with sewing needles because i think i will somehow stab myself with them, but that is a different thing.) i don't like having something that is part of me removed from me and taken elsewhere. when i was younger i used to wish i could have my blood back when they were done testing it. i know that's silly now, but it still bothers me a little. it's a little similar to how i feel when other people wear my clothes. i guess i feel like my clothes are a part of me and it's odd to see them on other people. when my girlfriend wears my jacket, and i hug her, i feel a bit like i'm hugging myself. selves are very weird.