boring

i just feel so dissatisfied. it's hard to articulate. i guess it's a bit like an itch? like a fidgeting feeling. i think most of it is probably about my girlfriend and this feeling of being trapped in a situation that isn't even serious enough to be interesting. i keep thinking about what i want instead and it makes me unhappy.

you know how sometimes you have a problem and it seems to be eating up your whole life and you become so boring and self-centered for a while that you imagine that everything in the world is speaking to you and your problem? i have that. i listen to music and think everyone is singing about my life. i watch tv and everything everyone says about relationships sounds profound. i read advice columns and check the details to make sure i didn't write them in my sleep or something.

i'm bored by myself. i'm bored by my own life. remember when i got arrested? remember when i was hanging out with radicals? remember when i got that migraine and thought stars had come to visit me? remember when i went through that guro phase and could only fall asleep between 7 and 10 am? and now i'm worrying about how to break up with my boring girlfriend. the person i feel the worst for is my therapist, who has to listen to this tedious bullshit for a whole hour and take notes about it and then watch it later on tape with her supervisor and talk about it. and we can't talk about anything else because i'm not thinking about anything else. it's terrible.

i'm ready to go to bed and stop thinking about this.