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noble

occupy columbia settled with the state last week, so everyone involved in the suit is getting some cash. i don't know if it's a lot because money is hard for me to think about. i like to think about it in terms of things i like, so for example minimum wage in south carolina is $7.25 an hour, which is about 3 cups of coffee from my favorite coffee shop an hour, or 7 orders of fries from mcdonalds an hour. the amount i'll be receiving from the settlement, then, is worth about 2,250lbs of honey walnut granola (bulk), or 1,125lbs of granola and 1,500 tubs of organic whole milk yogurt, the trader joe's brand. that feels like a lot because i can eat a tub of yogurt and a pound of granola in a week, but possibly it isn't really. i can't tell.

i actually bought granola earlier today (yesterday?) and an odd thing happened. i took my bag of granola (1 pound) to the register to pay for it, and right after i had paid, i noticed a moth in my bag. i told the cashier and she said i should go get another bag, so i did, but when i went to fill up the new bag, i pulled the lever down and way too much granola poured into the bag before i could stop it. i weighed the new bag and it was a bit over 2 pounds, so when i got back to the register i told the cashier that i'd accidentally gotten too much granola and got out the rest of the money to pay for the extra pound. the manager said it was fine though, so i got a pound of granola for free and i feel very bad about it. i put the new bag in the freezer in the hopes that any bugs living in it will die, but i don't know what kinds of temperatures moths like.

anyway, back to the money. i feel guilty about getting it to begin with because i don't think i earned it. yes my rights were violated, but i feel uncomfortable profiting because someone else did a bad thing. also, i feel like getting arrested was a noble thing and that was very important to me, but getting money for it makes me feel cheap and gross.
at the same time, i know i do need the money. my mom and i aren't exactly rich, and in fact, the settlement is more than she makes in a whole year. (the rest is social security and i think some money for my dad because he was a veteran. i mean, he's dead, but i think she gets money for that anyway.) i would feel better if i gave it away but that just isn't sensible. i'm trying to move out sometime this year or next year and that costs money. education costs money. i don't have insurance and if i get sick or injured i'll need to pay to go to the doctor. i haven't seen a dentist in years and i've never even been to a gynecologist even though i'm 22 years old. i just don't have the money to go to a doctor of any kind unless i really think i'm dying.

the only thing i plan on spending this money on immediately is paying off my library fines and parking tickets because i heard that stuff is bad for your credit score. also, i miss going to the library. the rest is going right into savings and i won't be touching it for a while.

that makes me feel better than if i were planning on spending this money on frivolous junk. and i guess there's a lesson in this on how when you do good things sometimes you do get rewarded and not just internally. it's just, oddly, a lesson i wish i hadn't learned.


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