in

for the past few months i haven't been going out that much. i go to therapy every other tuesday and usually afterward i do some grocery shopping and possibly go to the bookstore or donut shop or something. the other time i go out is at the beginning of every month there's a sort of street festival thing with music and art and local vendors selling food and wine and stuff. i think i went out with my best friend sometime in january, and i went to a different art thing i think last month, but that's about it.

my sleep schedule is also a real mess right now. i'm going to bed around noon and waking up around 7. i'm not oversleeping so much anymore which is good but this schedule won't do either. it definitely makes me not want to go out or anything in the evenings.

all this is to remind myself that the reason nobody talks to me and i don't have a date and i don't get invited to things and i'm jealous of people who have a real life is because i leave the house an average of slightly less than one time a week and only encounter new people on half of those outings. on those occasions when i encounter new people, i usually don't talk to them unless i'm introduced to them by someone i already know. i'm pretty shy, so people probably assume i don't like them. i also have not updated my okcupid profile in over 6 months so it still says i have a girlfriend and am not interested in meeting anyone new.

i'm not unlikeable, just (purposely) inaccessible. i hope.