close

today was my best friend's birthday. i took him out for dinner and then we went to this really cool bar for dessert and a drink. he had a cocktail called a daydream, which was delicious, and also godiva chocolate cheesecake. we split the cheesecake and still didn't finish it because it was so rich. i really like that bar - it's the place i went on new year's eve with my friends. i went there another time too for someone's birthday. it's small and the atmosphere is very cool. the only thing i don't like about it is the paintings, which are all black and white and surrealist.

after that we went to a different bar which we usually go to on tuesdays for karaoke. i made 2 new friends, or, maybe, 3.
one is the girl who yelled at that racist guy last week. she is in love with another person we both know, who has been treating her badly lately, and she sat in my car and smoked and told me the whole story. i usually don't let people smoke in my car but i didn't mind tonight. also, i lit her cigarettes for her. this is a secret, but i really like doing that for girls when i find them impressive in some way. i'm glad she didn't notice that i didn't light her friend's cigarettes. anyway i listened while she talked about her problems and i guess we're friends now. we're going out together thursday and i'm glad.

the second friend is the roommate of the first girl. she asked me to help her demonstrate how to crack someone's back and i only just now realized she also probably wanted to grope me a little. oh well. she seemed nice but she did that thing that people older than me do where they try to give me advice about things i don't need advice on. i mentioned to her that i have poor social skills (this will be relevant later) and she decided she wanted to try to argue me out of this by saying i came off as very likeable. actually, i know that. i'm nice to make up for my lack of social skills. people will forgive you a lot if you're very friendly and earnest.
she was nice but i think she was trying to flirt with me. i don't know how to feel when people do that.

the third friend was the person i like, maybe. i think he wants to be friends with me because he told me some very personal things, about his eating disorder and stuff. i don't know if he told me those things because he likes me or because i just look like a person you can tell things to or because he tells everyone about those things.
when he was about to leave, he called me "love" and kissed me on the cheek. later i found out that my best friend had told him to do this. i don't know how i feel about it. it was a nice kiss, but maybe he only did it because he feels bad for me. but it was a nice thing to do. wasn't it? this is what i meant when i said i have no social skills. i am very bad at guessing why people say and do certain things to me. i often think people are making fun of me when they're only joking.

so i don't know what to do now. i didn't cry about it earlier because i didn't want my mascara to run, and i don't feel like crying about it now, so that's good. i drove the long way home and sang really loudly and that helped. i just don't know what to do, though.