opaque

i think i take things too seriously. when i went out with the person i like last week, we were talking about a club that we're both in, which he helps organize, and he said he would let me know next time there was a club meeting. i told him he didn't need to, because i'm on the email list, and he said, "i'm your friend, so i'll send you a text. plus then you'll have to show up." he was probably just kidding but now i'll be really disappointed if he doesn't text me to tell me that there's a meeting on thursday, even though i already know.

basically, i have almost no ability to tell when someone is teasing me, and the worst thing is when you ask someone if they're serious, they think it's funny and they'll keep talking to you like that. i have a friend who has a very sarcastic voice, and every time he sees me he says things and i can never tell what he means. the person i like describes my friendship with this person as a bit, and i laugh when he says that, but actually i find it very stressful.

here is where i think this comes from: when i was a child, people said things to me, and some of them seemed nice and some of them seemed mean and some of them seemed neutral, but nearly all of them were meant to hurt my feelings. now that i'm an adult, people say things to me, and some of them seem nice and some of them seem mean and some of them seem neutral, and i don't know what any of it is supposed to mean. i think anyone would have social anxiety if they thought everyone was making fun of them and possibly conspiring against them all the time. it's a terrible way to live.