fog

i'm in this weird place in my life right now where i don't really have anything to look forward to - not just on a "someday" level but also, like, i don't even have anything interesting to watch on television - and it's really bringing me down. i don't know. i don't think i'll be going to college this fall and i have mixed feelings about that. i plan to find something else worthwhile to do but realistically i expect to spend the next 5 months sleeping and crying a lot. i keep trying to remind myself that i will be happy again, because i was happy only a few months ago, but every time i'm depressed it feels like it'll be the last time, like this time i finally won't be able to take it anymore.

i had another migraine tuesday night. it wasn't the most painful one i've ever had, but i did throw up a lot. i took some bupap because i didn't remember why i don't like that stuff. the reason i hate it is because it makes me sleepy for days, and the reason i never remember that is because one of the side effects is memory loss. so maybe all of that is why i'm feeling so badly. i'm still having a hard time thinking clearly, so i'm not sure. about anything, really.