snacks

i went out today, so that was exciting. i washed my hair and put on pants and everything. i'm happy that my skin is so good that i can go without washing my face for 2 weeks and my skin stays soft and smooth. at least one of my bio-parents must look like the ladies in makeup commercials.

anyway i went to a restaurant and bought sandwiches for me and my mom, and then i went to dunkin donuts and bought way too many doughnuts. i was only going to buy 10 doughnut holes but i somehow ended up with 25. i told the cashier "yolo." i am really coming unhinged. after that i took a sandwich to my mom at work and then i went home and ate my sandwich with a strawberry milkshake. it was nice.

i do feel a lot better. i guess if i can't make myself leave the house in order to socialize with other people, i can at least bribe myself with food i can't make at home. when i don't leave the house i eat frozen pizza, ramen, canned tuna, sometimes snacks like pretzels and goldfish and popcorn and cheerios (i eat a lot of cheerios). besides that, i eat what my mom picks up on the way home from work, or if she cooks she'll make enough for me. so i have to go out if i want stuff like fruit or ice cream or granola. but...i don't really get tired of eating the same things every day, so i could go a long time without going out.

oh well. i feel like i'm struggling a lot right now so i'm trying to go easy on myself with things like this. if having an ice cream bar for breakfast is what it takes to get me out of bed in the morning, that's fine. someday soon i'll have the energy and motivation to make better choices, but for now, any choice that means i don't die is a good one.