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i haven't been thinking about myself much lately. it's nice because i don't feel sad, but to be honest i don't really remember what i've been doing for the last week or so. i know i did some things but it feels like i could have made them up. is that normal? i don't know, but i kind of like it. maybe next i should make up something nice.

either tomorrow or friday night i'm going to a movie showing thing at an art gallery. the reason i'm going is that the person i like will probably be there and i think i miss him. i don't know what to tell him if he asks what i've been up to since i last saw him, though. i don't think you're allowed to say, "i don't remember." i used to say this when i was in high school but now when i say it people assume i'm an alcoholic so i had to stop. i guess i could say, "actually, i've been depressed, so i've been at home watching tv for the past month or so. i'm feeling better now, though." my friend says i should be more open with people i like about my mental illness and normally i find that thought scary but right now i don't really. i think for a while i was too sad to be scared and now i'm too numb to be scared and also if he's a jerk about it i probably won't even remember. my best friend was a jerk just a week ago and i hardly remember that.

i'm excited to go out because besides seeing this cute boy who is nice to me, i also will get to wear real people clothes and eat delicious ice cream. the ice cream is from a local place across the street from the art gallery. it's owned by a really nice couple and they make the ice cream themselves and it's the best ice cream in the whole world. when you are very unhappy, a good thing to do is fixate on smaller things that you have control over instead of looking forward to big things that can go badly. no matter what happens tomorrow (or friday), i'll still have gotten to wear a pretty dress and eat ice cream. i might also eat some other things, like maybe i will go to my favorite sandwich shop earlier in the day. maybe i will have a bagel for breakfast too. it's all very exciting for me.