books

i think i feel lonely and maybe i'd like to go out. but i don't really have anyone to go out with. i'm in this weird place where i know a lot of people and i'm friendly with them and all but i don't really have anyone i could sit down with and talk about my problems and stuff. it's hard.

yesterday, i think, or maybe two days ago, the person i like texted me to ask how my first week at college had gone. i told him i'm not going because i'm sick. he told me he's moving apartments but when he's done he wants to have a drink with me. i wish he wanted to drink with me because he liked me and wanted to date me but he probably doesn't and that will probably never happen. i should read some of the books he gave me. i told him i hadn't read any because i had so many other things to read, which is slightly true because i do read a lot of things online. the whole truth is that i used to read a lot of books but right now i don't really like reading anything i haven't already read. i don't own that many books, but i used to buy them and get them as gifts and prizes constantly when i was a child, so these days i'm mostly reading fantasy books i liked when i was 10. a surprising number of them don't hold up at all. i think this is because i used to read books written for precocious children and i liked them because i was a precocious child, but as an adult i just think they're trying too hard.

anyway, so obviously i haven't read any of the books he gave me. i feel guilty every time i look at the books but what am i going to do? maybe i'll try at least opening one later.

i think i was really sad an hour ago when i started writing this entry, but now i feel fine. feelings are bullshit.