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trust

yesterday was amazing.

so i went to help the person i like move, although i wasn't all that helpful because most of the boxes were too heavy for me. we loaded stuff into my car and made two trips to his new place to drop the boxes off. his new house is in a slightly crappier neighborhood and is painted in colors that remind me of decaying plant matter, although the inside of the house is fine.
after that we took some records, books, and movies to a secondhand store. we had to wait two hours for them to sort through the stuff so we walked around the shopping center. i don't remember if i mentioned he had invited me to a party later that night, but he did, and we were supposed to bring alcohol of some kind so we went to a fancy booze store to pick up some stuff. we still had a whole hour until the secondhand store people were done with his stuff, so we hung out in there until that was all over.

then we went to dinner, and then i took him back to his house so i could go home and change for the party. i'm not very good at figuring out how to dress for fancy events, especially when i don't know the person holding the event because i don't know how much they actually care about their guests dressing up. he told me that his friend had insisted that he at least wear a tie, but that he told her not to expect me to dress up at all because, i quote, "[my name] does what [my name] wants." this is a really fascinating idea he apparently has of me. i think i like it a lot.

the party was extremely weird. everyone else was dressed up for real and they were all wealthy-looking hipsters who honest to god looked nearly identical. the party host was very friendly and made me a nice cocktail, which i drank out of a mason jar because of course. the nice part was that the person i like found the party weird too, so he sat next to me and we just talked to each other the whole time. we left early, partly because i was so hungry and all there was to eat was fancy cheeses and partly because the host had announced that there would be party games soon and also partly because a bunch of new people showed up who looked like they probably call people bro a lot. so we went to the bar and ate and talked until we were both too sleepy, and then i took him back home and i went home and went to sleep.

the best part of the day was that i just got to talk to him a lot and i learned so much about him. he said he doesn't usually tell people as much personal stuff as he told me, so that's cool. we have a bunch in common, too - we both grew up super poor, we were both awkward and unpopular in school, we played many of the same video games growing up, we both take friendship extremely seriously, we're both very conscientious about other people's feelings. actually, he said i might be the most selfless person he knows. he says he wants to come with me when i go to the city i was born to look up my birth parents. he says he wants to do something fun with me for my birthday even if it's something he hates. i guess he means he wants to be involved in my life.

it's exciting, but at the same time it's scary. i don't like to hope for things. if i hope for things i like them to be small. i hope i'll get to eat a lot of honeycrisp apples this fall. i hope the new conditioner i bought is better than the last one i had. i hope i'll find a nice pair of boots soon because my old ones are worn through. these are things that i can be happy about if they happen and not very sad about if they don't. but, i really hope this person likes me. i really want this to happen. i want things to work out for me this time. maybe i won't be disappointed. maybe.


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