mantis

i had a really good time with the person i like's girlfriend. to be honest, the more i like her, the less interested i am in him. she's very smart and friendly and a good listener. one thing i like about her, which is also a thing that's true about me, is that she's comfortable telling people sincerely that she likes them, and why. she said i looked cute today and that i always look cute, and that i was really nice and she was glad that i like her. to me that's what being cool means - it means people care what you think of them because they think your opinion is important. i'm not used to anyone giving a shit whether i like them or not - i'm used to constantly worrying that people don't like me, and when someone does like me, worrying that i have to do everything right or else they'll stop. but now i'm older and people want me to like them. i enjoy it a lot. i have power now. people care what i think.

neither of us wanted to leave the coffee shop but we both had plans afterward so we had to go eventually. i brought dinner to G's house and then we went to the show. there was a bonfire outside the venue, which i poked at for a while and eventually ruined. for a while, i was alone outside with the fire, and then a guy came outside. after a few minutes he said hello to me and i was surprised and he said he was sorry for startling me. i told him i was upset about the fire and he teased me about it but it wasn't in a mean way. i asked him if he was in one of the bands and he said yes and i asked if they were the ones with the puppets and he said yes and i said very seriously, "i only agreed to come because i was told there wouldn't be puppets tonight." i guess he thought that was funny but i'm not really sure. anyway i talked to him some more and then his friend came out and moved the logs around and the fire was okay again.

it turns out that the guy i was talking to was G's friend's friend. his hair was longer and he had facial hair, so of course i didn't recognize him. he was cute though and nice to me.

after that we went to a different bar for karaoke and i sang a song. that was scary but it was okay. i may do it again sometime although i don't think i did very well...but neither do most other people, so i guess it's okay.

G texted her friend to tell him that i think his friend is cute. it's all very middle school but being set up is kind of fun. i wonder if he will like me. more importantly, i wonder if i will like him.