mistaken

i woke up sad today. i was upset about the person i like, but i'm not sure if that was really about him. i think it was more about not being picked, if that makes sense. i'm almost certain that if i ever did date him, i'd be really unhappy. still, i want this person i admire to like me. yesterday his girlfriend told me that she didn't realize that he liked her until he kissed her. i guess that means i was mistaken when i thought he was interested in me, because he never kissed me. that hurts too - i feel like i was just delusional. i thought i was getting better at figuring out when someone was interested in me, but i guess not. i feel sort of lost.

i also got a text from my friend who moved away saying she misses me. i asked her if she was going to visit soon and she just said no. that makes me sad too. maybe i'll never see her again.

yesterday i was so happy and today i feel pathetic and miserable again. maybe i've been lying to myself about a lot of things. i don't know what to think about anything anymore.