group

i have been making friends.

i went to a social event with my church's youth group. the event was a game night at someone's apartment. here are the three people who came:

- A, who is my favorite so far. she's 21 and an aquarius. i like her because she's tall and nice and thinks i'm funny. she really likes snowcones. i hope we will be good friends.

- D, A's boyfriend who lives with her. i think he's only 20 but i don't remember. i think he has his own business or something. anyway he facilitates the youth group. he's very ambitious but not in the wants to have a lot of money way. it's more that he thinks failure is something that happens to other people. but it seems like things are working out for him.

- S. i don't know how old she is - at least 18 - but she looks very young. i have the most thoughts on her even though i like her the least. here is the conversation A and i had while we were waiting for S to arrive:

"S said she'll be here soon with some games. she's kind of weird though."
"well, we're all sort of weird here."
"yeah, but she's different. you know how there are those people on tumblr who just take social justice stuff way too seriously?"
at this point i was forming a slightly negative impression on A. usually when people accuse others of taking social justice too seriously, it's because they're racist or some shit and don't like to be called on it. so i said:
"that could be okay. maybe it will be nice to not feel obligated to bring up those kinds of things all the time because someone else can do it."

i guess i thought S was probably the right amount of sensitive and A was kind of a jerk. i don't remember the last time i have been so terribly wrong.

it's true that S cares a lot about social justice. that's cool because i do too, and so does everyone in the group, and probably everyone at my church. but S is the kind of person who just repeats things because she knows it's the "correct" thing to say, even if it doesn't make sense or she's contradicting herself. for example, she mentioned a few times that bodily autonomy is important to her, but then later said an ugly thing about fat people, and the next time i saw her she explained to me that she thinks people should be "encouraged" to be healthy, i.e. not fat. in other words, she thinks people should do whatever they want with their bodies, unless she personally finds them aesthetically unappealing, in which case they should change themselves according to her specifications. i should also mention that she made the remark about health after lunch while we were eating snow cones, which of course are composed solely of ice and flavored sugar water. during lunch i'd watched her eat a hot dog, chicken strips, and sweet tea. but she's thin, so i guess it's okay for her but not for me. so much for health.

she's also one of those white people who is certain they're not racist and believes that the people of color she encounters should understand this and assume good faith on her part even if what she's doing is very obviously racist. in other words, she thinks that she should be able to make racist jokes in front of me, and that i should be okay with it, because she knows she isn't racist, and therefore i should know it too.

also, this isn't exactly racist but it's funny anyway. when S arrived at A and D's apartment, A decided to put on music, and asked if everyone was okay with listening to drake. everyone agreed, and then S, who was sitting next to me on the sofa, explained to me that she liked drake, but that people thought it was weird that she listened to him because she's white. i asked her, "why is that weird?" it's 2015. everyone listens to drake. but thanks for making sure i know that you're down. i guess that made the sassy black woman imitation she did at lunch acceptable. i always think it's funny when white people do these kinds of impressions in front of me because i don't talk like that and never have. so who are you impersonating? anyway.

S's problem seems to be that she hasn't really thought through most of her opinions and has even worse social skills than me - she makes off-topic and inappropriately sexual comments and seems to have no idea that this is strange. she has a boyfriend, who she calls her "mate", but other than that doesn't seem to have any friends. so i feel sort of bad for her. i think if people were nice to her, and gently nudged her toward thinking more about why she believes the things she does, she could be really cool.
D has a sort of vision of this youth group as a place to help people grow and develop emotionally and spiritually. i personally am not very interested in this, though i plan to participate in such activities anyway, because D cares about this group a lot, and in general i think if you can help make someone happy with minimal inconvenience to yourself, you should do it. but maybe something i can learn is how to be patient and compassionate toward people i don't really like. so i'm going to try to be kind to S. mostly. i will probably continue to talk shit about her to A and the person i like and on here. i'm not done growing yet, after all.