intuition

last night i asked the person i like if he ever thought that being too logical led him to make bad decisions because he didn't trust his intuition enough. he said yes. i feel like i do this too sometimes - i have a good or bad feeling about a situation but i ignore that feeling and instead make a decision that "makes sense". sometimes that decision is wrong. i don't know. i think i've been ignoring my feelings less over the past year or so maybe. i didn't set out to do that but i think it's a byproduct of my effort to do more things i like and care less about what other people think about it.

anyway, the person i like told me that a few years ago he was in a lousy relationship with someone who wasn't very nice to him. actually, he moved to the city we live in now to be with her. he said he thought moving would improve their relationship, plus there were practical concerns like being able to live in a bigger place with cheaper rent. and he couldn't think of a real reason to break up with her, so he didn't, until he moved here and realized how unhappy he was.
i could see this happening to me a few years ago. today i have much less interest in things that make me bored or unhappy. this is a character flaw that i'm choosing to interpret as a feature and not a bug. it's true that i will quickly and easily give up on something that doesn't interest me, unless there's a really compelling reason for me not to. but it's also true that the odds of me dating someone i low key hate for years and years are very very low.

i sort of hope that what's going on with the person i like with his current girlfriend is the same thing that happened with the last. maybe he'll wake up one day and realize he just can't even stand her. is it wrong to hope that someone will be unhappy even for a minute? i feel like it might be. but i also feel like it's okay to wish for something that would make me happy at someone else's expense, since at least it means i care about my own happiness. i didn't used to.