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mistake mistake mistake mistake

one of my favorite things to do is imagine outfits i'd like to wear and then try to find the things i'd need to put them together. right now, i think mostly out of spite toward S, what i'd really like is a mesh bodysuit, like a fishnet thing, maybe in pink or purple. i want to wear it with shorts, a crop top, and possibly fishnet tights too. i feel like very recently crop tops and bodysuits in my size were everywhere and i sort of just looked at them curiously and moved on, and now that i want to buy these things, they are all gone.
the other outfit i want i think is something i'd wear to the beach. but since i'm not going to the beach, i'm not looking for it. it would consist of a bikini top, shorts, a light flannel shirt, and no shoes. i'm sad i won't be visiting the beach this summer since the only thing i'd need to buy for that outfit is the bikini top. oh well.

my good friend has been very unhappy lately. the reason is a boy. she's in love with him, i guess, and he was supposed to spend the weekend with her. he left early though, saying he had to do something with his mom. but later my friend was on facebook and she saw that he posted about being excited to have sex with some other girl, and then later he posted that he had done so. when my friend tried to talk to him about this, he refused to talk about it and tried to make her feel bad for bringing it up.

it frustrates me when people intentionally put themselves in terrible situations over and over again. my friend has known for some time that this guy does things like this, but every time he lets her down she forgives him. she says it's because he's really a good person and so she still loves him. and i love my friend, but i don't understand this at all, and honestly i think it's dumb and a waste of time. and of course she talks about him a lot, and i'm never sure what to say. i feel it is dishonest for me to try to help her resolve her problems with him. i don't really want to help her figure out how to put a bandaid on this mess so she can stay with this person who treats her so badly. but she doesn't want to hear that she should leave him either. so mostly i say nothing. the other day i told her to use a condom, though. that was about all i could think of.

anyway this is all a good reminder that strength can come from flaws. sometimes it bothers me that i'm not more forgiving, but at least most people who hurt me these days only get to do it once.


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