literal ice princess

last sunday i went to lunch at the lgbt center. i talked with a group of people and at one point one of them asked my name so she could add me on facebook. i told her i don't have facebook and it was like she couldn't even wrap her head around it. she asked if i was on any social media at all and when i told her no she said, "but what do you do? don't you have friends?" i told her i text my friends and hang out with them in person and it works out fine. she seemed confused but accepted this.

a bit later, she asked if she could have my phone number so we could hang out because she doesn't have any friends. i asked, "what about your facebook friends?" and she said, "they aren't really my friends. i mean, we don't hang out or anything." so i gave her my number.

we made plans to have dinner on friday and she seemed surprised that i was serious about wanting to hang out. dinner was fine. i don't dislike this lady but i find many things about her very grating. she likes to go on at length about traits she has that she doesn't seem to think anyone else has. she told me she was an empath, meaning that she can feel other people's emotions. she says she can't be around crying people because she'll start to cry too. i think she's probably just more sensitive than average and all the supernatural stuff is a bit silly, but also, what kind of life has she had that she thinks it's unusual to have an emotional response to another person's feelings?
she also talked about how she likes everyone and is still friends with all her exes. i told her i'm very careful about who i'm friends with and i don't talk to any of my exes, because why. she said, "i just have a big heart." i guess showing any kind of judgment when it comes to who i confide and invest energy in makes me a cold-hearted monster. if only i were kind and wise enough to be paying my mooching ex's car insurance a year after we broke up, like her.

there were other things too but those were the most irritating. i think she'll be one of those people i see from time to time but i'm not planning on getting very close to her. i have a tiny shriveled heart anyway so i'm sure i'm not even capable.

yesterday morning i got a text from the person i like. i should really use pseudonyms for people but since i don't this story is going to be a little convoluted. anyway, the person i like invited me to a birthday party. the birthday girl is someone i've met a few times and admire very much (in like a kissing way) but don't know that well, so of course i went.

when i got to the bar i sat down at the table beside the person i like. i thought only the people at the table were friends of the birthday girl but actually everyone who was in the bar knows her and loves her. she's that kind of person. the trouble was, i only knew her and the person i like, and he left after i'd been there an hour because he wanted to go to a movie. (he said the movie was about lions attacking people, so i declined to join him.) and the bar was very loud and crowded and people kept touching me. i had a nice conversation with the girl sitting next to me, but after a while i had to leave because i felt like i was going to cry or possibly vomit.

the girl sitting beside me wanted to go too so we went to pay our tabs and ran into the birthday girl. she hugged us both and gave me a kiss on the forehead and told us both she loved us. (she was really very drunk.) she gave me her number and said we should hang out. i asked if she was only saying that because she was drunk and she said, "i love everyone all the time, but i only say so when i'm drunk."

i left finally and then i called A. this weekend she and D moved into a new house, and when i'd told A that i was worried things wouldn't go well at the birthday party, she said i could come to her house and eat snacks and cry about it afterward. i wasn't hungry or weepy but i went over anyway. D and i shared a blunt and then we "helped" A put together the bed they got from ikea. i ate a cinnamon roll from a box that i'd brought over, which was lovely.

(side note: earlier this week ulta had a sale on a shower gel i've been wanting for a long time but haven't been able to justify spending $18 on. the name of the scent is cinnamon bun, and it really does smell exactly like a cinnamon bun. as a result, i crave cinnamon rolls nearly every moment of every day. the one i ate last night was great but my soul yearns for a roll fresh from the oven and still warm and gooey.)

this morning i got a text from the lady i went out to dinner with friday asking if i was mad at her because she hasn't heard from me in a while. a while. is there anything more guaranteed to make me mad than someone asking if i'm mad for no reason? i feel like no. i haven't responded to this text yet because i haven't thought of anything to say that isn't mean.

i also texted the girl i like so she has my number now. that was scary but she seemed happy to hear from me so that was nice. maybe i will ask her to get coffee with me this week. the thought makes me want to puke a little, but that's how i know i like someone.