own

i like that my friends have a nice house, though. i've been there twice now and i like it a lot. i went there yesterday (yesterday?) and sat in the kitchen with A and ate cinnamon rolls which she heated up in a frying pan because their microwave is still at their old apartment, i think. later i watched her put together a dresser and talked about how i'm so bad at dating. it felt okay to do that. A is a good listener and is more experienced than me in such things and she doesn't condescend to me or try to give me advice.

a bit later i drove her to target to buy some stuff for her house. i bought a set of plastic cups - they're bright yellow, my favorite color - because they were on sale. when we were back in her kitchen putting away the things she'd bought, she told me to give her one of my new cups. "it can be your cup for when you come over," she said, "and no one is allowed to drink out of it except you." she put it in the dishwasher with her other new plates and things.
it sucks always feeling like no one really wants you around and everyone is just tolerating you to be polite. but i have my own cup there so i must be welcome. it surprises me so much it really makes me want to cry. i know she probably meant the cup thing as a joke, but it makes me happy anyway.