social skills

i like to read blogs and advice columns and other things where people explain social behavior. but i wonder if i should stop, since one of my problems is that i don't trust myself to do the right thing. for example, i might think i'd like to talk to a girl, but i'm not sure if it would be appropriate and i don't know what to say, so i don't do it at all because i'm afraid i'll do or say something inappropriate. knowing a list of rules makes me feel better in those situations but it doesn't really address the problem. i mean, it addresses the problem of wanting to talk to the girl but not knowing how, but not the problem of freaking out any time i have to deal with any kind of uncertainty in my life. it may even make it worse - if i didn't have any rules, i'd have to just do things, and then i would figure out eventually that i'm probably usually right, and even when i'm wrong, that's okay.

i used to work in a jewelry store and i was told to compliment customers and one time i told a lady she had nice skin. i considered this a compliment because at the time i was just figuring out makeup and realizing how much skill it involves, and this lady's makeup looked very well done, and i wanted to convey that i recognized that she put a lot of effort into applying her makeup well. but actually, a lot of people think that's a creepy thing to say to a stranger, it turns out. she seemed to think so, anyway. absolutely nothing happened, i now think about this story and laugh, and today people tell me often that i have good skin and i think it's so nice of them. i still tell people they have nice skin and it's totally fine, i told someone that just last night and she thought it was great.

so, i don't know, maybe i should stop trying to learn all the rules for everything and just do things and see what happens. but that's scary. and i can do it anyway. maybe.