true love

i texted the girl i like to make plans with her and it seemed like we were going to have coffee this weekend, but when i suggested a time, she never responded.

yesterday i was kind of annoyed and disappointed about it but i didn't really think about it or her at all today which is unusual. unusual for me, i mean. i'm not normally noted for my calmness, detachment, or sense of perspective. but i figure if she wants to hang out with me, she has my number. and if not, well, i barely know her, so it's not that serious.

i mentioned before that i've been craving cinnamon rolls lately. friday i went to cinnabon. i can't remember if i've ever eaten there before. there used to be one near where my mom worked when i was younger, but when i was a kid i didn't really like sweets so i don't think i ever went there. the one i went to friday, i've been to before, but i know i didn't eat there.

this is what happened that time. during my last year in college i was briefly friends with a girl i'll call L. she was nice and all but she had a lot of issues and she was a little unstable sometimes. one day she had her mom take me and her and my cousin D, who lived with L, to a mall we usually didn't go to, because she wanted a new dress or something. the reason we and everyone don't go to that mall is because it's sad and nearly abandoned. it's one of those malls that always has an empty parking lot and the inside looks a little post-apocalyptic.
L didn't find anything she wanted at the mall, which made her angry. whenever she was angry, even about something very trivial, she would get very quiet and pouty, and whenever someone said something to her she would shout at them. her mother was similar, except she just shouted. so we were all in the car and L was shouting and her mom was shouting and D and i were just sitting awkwardly.
in order to calm L down, her mom took us to the drive-through at the cinnabon and ordered a 4-pack of cinnamon buns. she handed the box directly to L, who ate them all on the way home. i didn't ask for any, because i didn't want to get shouted at. anyway, that's my cinnabon history.

i bought a 4-pack and gave one to A because she was stressed out because her and her boyfriend's families were both visiting and she couldn't leave the house because her boyfriend's family is so high-maintenance that they'll explode if you stop paying attention to them even for a minute. i ate half of another bun friday night and i thought, "this is too much. i don't think i ever need to eat anything sweet ever again." but i finished the bun and have since eaten 1/4 of another bun that was intended for my mom. i think about the rolls constantly, the way one thinks of a lover. maybe the reason i'm indifferent about that girl is that i'm too busy being in love with pastries.

my back has been hurting a lot. i don't have anything to say about that except that i hate it.